This is the home for the Raw LIVE on WWE Fan Nation Live Blog for Monday, September 8, 2008.

Join us right here at 8:45 p.m. EDT for live coverage of WWE Monday Night Raw as we find out who our new World Heavyweight Champion is after Unforgiven.

Miss our Unforgiven Live Blog with special guest CM PUNK? Follow the link to read the transcript.

Sacred Altar

Some people feel that the left side of the altar is the creative,
nurturing side, dedicated to the Goddess while the right side of the
altar is the power and strength side and dedicated to the God. By
going by this thought mind, one would place a candle and/or image
representing the God on the right side of the altar as well as the
athame which presents the male. The Goddess image and candle would go
on the left side along with the Chalice. However, this reminds me too
much of your conventional wedding ceremonies where the bride stands to
the left of her husband of which at one time women were to "honor and
obey" and the couple were pronounced "man and wife" at the end of the
ceremony. Now "honor and obey" has been left out and most ceremonies
pronounce it "husband and wife." Yet the bride still stands to the
left of the groom. Does this denote male power over female? The
Goddess and God both have strengths and power. The masculine strength
is the physical strength and the feminine strength is the inner
strength. If anyone does any type of art, they know it is the right
side of the brain that is the creative side; the intuitive side; the
artistic side, and the left side is more the restricted side and
causes your work to be tight and less flowing. So, if the right side
of your brain is the creative side and the Goddess is the creative
and nurturing, then the Goddess should go on the right side of the altar.

For reasons above, I place the Goddess on the right side of my altar.
Another reason is since I prefer to do Moon rituals which are in
honor of the Goddess, whether it be a dark moon ritual or full moon
ritual, I do not call in the God when I do moon rituals. As stated
throughout this website, I feel that the Sabbats are more for
celebrations and not for ritual purposes. Pagans of yesteryear did not
do formal rituals and/or ceremonial magick during the Sabbats but held
festivals and celebrated instead. Also, I feel that the way one sets
up their altar depends on the individual. There are many books on
Wicca telling you something different in how to set up an altar, and
it can be quite confusing for the aspiring Witch, because in all
actuality, I feel it depends on the person and the mood they wish to
create. Also, funds can play a part in whether you have a simple or
elaborate altar and/or temple.

Altars can be as simple or as elaborate as the Witch sees fit. The
cloth in which you use should not be too expensive. We Witches must be
practical and realize that we will be dripping candle wax on the cloth
as well as spilling incense and even wine onto the cloth. Most Witches
tend to use a plain black cloth or something celestial. Pagans who
perform Sabbat rituals will change the altar cloth according to the
Sabbat theme. However, since I am more Witch than pagan and tend to
put more emphasis on Moon rituals, I use black cloths.

Some Witches set their altar up in the North, as they feel it is the
direction of the divine knowledge and wisdom. However, most Witches
set their altar in the East, as everything starts from there and ends
in the West. They reserve the North for honoring and respecting of the
unknown and which represents the mystery.

Besides having a candle representing the Goddess (and a God if so
wishing), many Witches also have a triple candle holder wherein they
place a white, red and black candle representing the Maiden, Mother
and Crone and lighting those candles before invoking the Goddess. An
evocation such as "I call upon the Maiden for inspiration and new
beginnings (light the white candle); the Mother for compassion and
nurturing (light the red candle), and the Crone for Her mysteries,
wisdom and magick" (light the black candle).

Also, on your altar, you, at the very least, should have the
following: Chalice, Salt in holder, incense, incense holder
(censer), water in bowl, charcoals, wand, oil for the occasion,
magickal knife for inscribing and/or cutting and athame as well as a
wooden pentacle/pentagram. I use the wooden pentagram which I
placed semi-precious in to give it that much more power. I use it to
charge my candles for magick, parchment paper, poppets, jewelry,
incense and oils, etc. I consecrate/cleanse the water first and then I
bless the salt. I do not cleanse the salt, as salt is already
cleansed. I have read many books where they tell you to cleanse the
salt, which there simply is no need to. Salt is already cleansed and
to me is adding insult to that sacred Element. I just simply say "I
bless you oh Creature of Salt, and as I combine you with cleansed
water may both as one create a sacred and protective circle" and then
add the salt to your already cleansed water.

I use a reasonable size cauldron (censer) with sand in it to place my
charcoal on and incense in, as charcoals tend to flare out with spirts
of fire. Too small a censer can be disastrous. Please be careful in
using a censer and make sure that it is not too small and that its
handle does not get too hot. Practical, medium size censers such as a
cauldron are more sensible than these brass ones you see in pagan
stores to burn your incense.

The burning of incense plays many important roles. You burn incense to
cleanse a room, to help in meditation, for dream work and for psychic
abilities. Incense plays an important part in our lives and religion,
and incense has been burned for such purposes for over 4,000 years or
more. Incense was believed to sweeten the air and aide in protection
and against diseases. Since the Goddess is of spirit and cannot
receive the material body of a sacrifice, even if She wanted a
sacrifice, which She does not, the essence is sent to Her by means of
sacred smoke. Native Americans believe their wishes are carried to the
Great Spirit by birds and most particularly an Eagle. Witches believe
that prayers are carried to the spirit realm through the burning of
incense. That is why I use a black cauldron to burn my charcoals and
incense and at each ritual, the room is filled with the aroma of
incense to carry my wishes to the Goddess. After I have inscribed and
dressed my magickal candle, I hold it over the incense to charge it
and send my wishes out and beyond.

Your magickal tools do not need to be elaborate and can be quite
practical. After all, during the Burning Times, they used what they
had around the house but most probably tried to keep these away from
their everyday wear. I also tend to use my wand more so than my
athame, as wands have the power to open doorways into other magickal
dimensions. Wands draw energy (as well as direct energy) from these
other worlds that affect what is going on in this world. When doing
magick, the primary connection is between this world and the world of
the Divine.

I have a white candle which is considered my "need fire" which means
if any of the 45 or more candles in my temple go out, I re-light them
from this candle, as the white candle is the first candle I light on
my altar at the beginning of my ritual. I say a few magickal words
before lighting the candle and all candles are lit from that candle.
I was taught this, as was my High Priestess (HPS) before me, as her
HPS taught her and so on.

I also have a crystal ball, a dragon and other magickal objects to
help set the mood. On my altar I have objects representing the four
Quarters. In the east side of my altar, I have a feather; on the south
side, a red candle; on the west I have my consecrated water; and on
the north side, my blessed salt is placed.

During ritual, I have music playing to help set the mood.

My temple, as well as my altar, is very sacred to me, and I do not let
just anyone come into my temple and/or see my altar for that matter.

And remember, tools do not make a Witch; the Witch makes the tools and
her main altar and temple is in Her heart.

http://www.hecatesc auldron.org/ Sacred%20Altar. htm

So I'm giving into reality...seems like its the end of an era for my beloved Yankees.  I held out hope that they could make a 14th straight playoff appearance but I am quickly realizing that that ship has sailed.  I still will be cheering them on on the 20th for the second to last home game at the Stadium.  Still not quite sure how I feel about the new stadium...also depends on where the new season tickets will be, crossing my fingers for good seats.

And now I look forward to football season...love my NY Giants and am thrilled they started the year off with a victory.  I'll def be rocking my Manning jerseys this year.  My dad, brother and I watched the Superbowl game recently just for fun and we were like little kids again.  It was nice because we didn't get to watch the game together live so this was like a re-do.  And I swear, no matter how many times I see that game I still have this stupid grin on my face at the end as if I'm watching the Giants wreck a perfect season for the first time.  Best game ever :-)

9/2/08--12:21PM--Yesterday's Horoscope 
Today is the day to search for a new tactic to solve an old or recurring problem -- your vision will enable you to see things differently. So look at this situation once more, and evaluate your options. Then, choose the one that is the most intimidating to you. You may be looking at this opportunity and subliminally seeing nothing but pressure, and this is what could be preventing you from accepting a new challenge -- because you are afraid you will fail. But you only fail if you don't try.
I can't ever remember feeling this alone before, yet I won't reach out to touch anyone, all those I wish to be touched by choose not to touch me; otherwise they would have by now. I'm noticing a need to avoid people, I tell myself it's because I have nowhere to go, that has nothing to do with not looking for a job; I'm tired of being ignored or rejected. Seems the only jobs available to me right now would be the jobs none other will choose. I've also given thought to the Obama's, wondering why Michelle has her hair permed, wondering why Barack feels a need to lead; seems he's been heading in this direction for some time. This knowledge, feeling makes me suspect the motives at hand, apparently he thrives on pressure and high exposure. If he ****s this up, there will be hell to pay! I think the problem that most black Americans have with Obama is heritage based, he's not a descendant of slaves. I applaud the American people for nominating the first black candidate in history, I hope Barack (as savvy as he appears) is smart enough to put people first, all of them; not just Americans.
I woke Saturday, troubled by the chaining of the door, my neighbors fears had a profound effect upon me. I'd notice the girls from Glens Falls had arrived, not a big deal, I also noticed another couple of females; they'd stopped to kiss one another hello. I'd come to realize the second couple of ladies I saw were related, the adoration and love were things you could feel, without being part of the pair. One of the girls from GF would hang on the back of the other, as though gay, I'd bet my account that they aren't gay; they seem to do whatever they can to get noticed by me, a simple introduction would be much more efficient.
I noticed an Asian group were having a party, they would eventually skate, when I passed a couple of the ladies they'd clap and scream their excitement; I should have known it would upset the men of their party. Towards the end of the night, the elder of the two screamers would do a lot of falling, she was having a lot of fun; I thought she'd hurt herself a couple of times. I had gone to the practice rink, leaving the chaos of the floor, the Mother and Daughter would come to the area; the Daughter would attempt to skate backwards. The Mother stood near the rail watching, she caught my eye and mouthed, "she's trying to skate backwards;" I removed one ear piece and told her that I could see that.
The woman had a model's body, quite an angular face, and breasts that seem to be all nipple; she had an unmistakably tight ass. I'd look at her hand, no ring, I deduced her Daughter doesn't live with her; if the woman has a man in her life, either the Daughter doesn't like him or he doesn't like her. They left the rink before I, I realize I missed an opportunity, perhaps the Daughter brought the Mother near me on purpose; the feeling I got from the Mother was very warm. I made a point to skate near the entrance, as they were preparing to leave, I was enjoying looking at this lady; everything about her seemed serene. I'd note, as I lay in bed later, thoughts of them would make me smile warmly, I'm hoping to see them again real soon; the woman did seem vaguely familiar, as though I'd seen her before and I'm sure I have. Even now, the desire to hold the woman overcomes me as it intrigued me that night, there's no doubt hers would be a truly loving embrace.
The GF girls were making a big production of skating in synch, especially when they went to the center of the floor to spin holding hands, they didn't have much time to concentrate on me because they were performing for the Asian women; one of them gave the thumbs up to the elder lady having the most fun.
I'd finish for the night, I'd note some of the Asian men congregating outside, I headed through them to my car; one of the men pulled his shirt up to touch his stomach. I'd worn a square neck t-shirt, my stomach is relatively flat, the response of their women to me probably angered them; their problem wasn't with me. I'd notice one of the pack attempting to dance in the center of their crowd, their comments and actions were concerning me. I started the car, plugged the mp3 and pumped the sounds; I slid into gear and drove away.
I was beginning to concentrate on my loneliness, wondering why it's so important for me to be who I am, why it's so important for me not to go out of my way to fit in; I was saddening.
In my pain and sadness, I believe that my selfishness has kept me from sharing and informing those that have been the root cause of those feelings. I shut them out, I do that a lot, because it hurts; I need to get over my own pain. As much as I'm hurting, they're hurting, I need to find a way to step out of myself so they're not alone; my Sons/Charlotte, even my Ex.
It seems that every group on the planet has become grossly ethnocentric, not realizing that the gene pool isn't reinforced when you stay within your group, it's stagnating; before there were multiple groups of people, there was one group of people. It's my belief that climate and evolution diverged the paths of men, or was it the building of the Tower of Babel?
Heading into my 4th month, smoke-free, I thought the cravings would be gone; they're not. I'm wondering how Charlotte got so close to me, so close that I mention her in the same breath I mention my Sons, how is it that she makes me so angry and I still love her?
So I'm hiding out in my cave, I didn't bother making a deposit, I'd thought about going to the basketball courts; didn't do that either. I wasn't in the mood to see the teller, even considered going to another branch, won't do that either; I'll just keep it strictly business and I'm sure she'll appreciate it. I'm also sure the more mature teller told her what she'd done wrong, to avoid giving the wrong impression, keep business; business! Had she not made our interaction personal, I wouldn't have gotten the idea that she wanted to get personal with me.
I went to the Wal-Mart Supercenter near me last night, I won't be going there again if I don't have to, I'm wondering what area stocks their payroll; last night was thoroughly disgusting service. I'm standing in the deli area, three people in attendance, one working; there were two others in the adjoining area doing clean-up. I didn't bother grabbing a ticket, there was only one person ahead of me, while the one working was preparing their order; the other two were standing as far away from the display as they could get. Why should I have to ask for help, a young man and his girl came to the display, they grabbed a ticket; the woman that had been nearby called his number. I'd considered grabbing a ticket, thought better of it, in the background I could hear (and see) the little boy that had run past me when I approached the deli; yelling at the top of his lungs.
Jamaicans/Haitians/Latino, running rampant throughout the store, a Haitian lady had been working and was planning to leave; she'd asked the woman near the back wall to carve her meat. The woman left the wall, came to the display, saw me standing there (for the last 7 minutes) and the gentleman with his girl; then decided to call a number. She knew I'd never bothered to grab a ticket, what for, wondering why she waited so long to bother waiting on anyone; she also knew that I'd been the next customer in line. I plan to drive 12 miles out of my way to make sure I don't return to that Wal-Mart, it's 4 minutes from my apartment, the other is a half an hour; the service alone is worth it.
I would really love not to be able to speak negatively about people of ethnicity, all indications in the areas of general business make that not so, those groups of people I mentioned were the reasons behind my decisions; too many of them in one place and nothing more than gossip was being done. The store even seems dingier than the other I'd gone to, the Wal-Mart up the hill from me suffers nearly the same fate, that one employs Latinos/Indians and educationally challenged white people; the Latinas seem to be in charge. As I think of it, they were in charge at the one I refuse to return to. I imagine the corporation believes that as long as their customers get a decent price on an item we'll overlook everything else, that theory won't hold much water in the long run.
My neighbor knocked on my door with mail, I thanked him and closed that door, we won't be buddies or pals; our relationship will be fairly clinical. I was here when his Father brought more furniture, that was yesterday, before I headed to Wally's; they had difficulty not hitting the walls with whatever they were carrying. When the boy handed my mail, he looked at me expectantly, wonder what he was expecting?
9/3/08--6:17PM--My youngest Brother sent this to me:
A white man asked his black friend, 'Are you voting for Barack Obama just because he's black?' The black man responded by saying, 'Why not? Hell, in this country men are pulled over everyday just cause they're black; passed over for promotions just cause they're black; considered to be criminals just cause they're black; and there are going to be thousands of you who won't be voting for him just because he's black! However, you do not seem to have a problem with that! This country was built with the sweat and whip off the black slaves' back, and now a descendant of those same slaves has a chance to lead the same country, where we weren't even considered to be people, where we weren't allowed to be educated, drink from the same water fountains, eat in the same restaurants, or even vote.  So yes! I'm going to vote for him! But it's not just because he's black, but because he is hope, he is change, and he now allows me to understand when my grandson says that he wants to be president when he grows up, it is not a fairy tale but a short term goal.  He now sees, understands and knows that he can achieve, withstand and do ANYTHING just because he's black!'
Really nice and inspirational, unfortunately Barack is not a descendant of any of those slaves aforementioned, that's one of the reasons former black leaders have a problem with him. Just because he's none of those things doesn't mean he won't get my vote.
It's fitting that a direct descendant of the Brothers that sold us should be in a position to break the bonds that they helped to forge, long live irony and justice. Barack's Father being African and his Mother being Caucasian, the bonding of our oppressors created our deliverer, Long live the Light!
I got Pharaoh's food today, I was talking to Mike's (the owner of the Zoo) Mother, a very pleasant lady; we discussed politics. She mentioned having been an Obama supporter from day one, her Husband would come out later and declare himself rich, yet his Wife continues to brownbag his lunch; everyone's talking about changes and he just wanted his Wife to make a couple. The discussion got intense, another customer chimed in, I explained why some blacks would not care to see Obama in the white house, jealousy rears it's head at the most inopportune moments.

The problem with humour is that it quickly gets stale and may fail to reach as many people as you need to get your name written in the stars. Dylan was astute in balancing the laughter and the sadness and this helped enlarge his circle of popularity. Nonetheless, his satirical songs are motorized by an exhuberant desire for the freedom to say whatever comes into mind without regard to the social and political sensibilities of his audience, and to make jokes of any sacred cows. The album Bringing It All Back Home was the watershed moment in Dylan's career when his rebellious character rebelled against rebellion itself  making it clear that he was not out to  ‘remake the world at large' and did not intend ‘to sound a battle charge'.  ‘Outlaw Blues', a track on this album takes on a gamut of in-crowd vogues. Radical chic, macrobiotic food, fancy dress parties,sex and psychology, social justice were all creating a great din in the feverish world of the sixties. Psychologism back then had reached such height of awareness that you couldn't eat banana without using a knife, and if you did that you were ceratinly revealing a castration complex -  and don't even think of asking to borrow a pen.  Popular Freudianism ruled, and this provides the occasion in this song for a little low comedy involving monkeys and fireplaces. The word monkey (I don't have to tell you) is argot for one of the two most important weapons in the sex war, and we scarcely need to explain fireplaces, Santa Claus and chimneys. I'll leave you to make up your own mind about the milkman's derby hat.

Well, I go to pet your monkey
I get a face full of claws
I ask who's in the fireplace
And you tell me Santa Claus
The milkman comes in
He's wearing a derby hat
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, how come you have to ask me that?

The song opens with a tremendous blast on the harmonica and is sustained throughout by the vigorous bounce of  a terrific funk y rhythm. Dylan's voice is alive with glee as declares his refusal to stay in the chaos.

Well, there's fist fights in the kitchen
They're enough to make me cry
The mailman comes in
Even he's gotta take a side
Even the butler
He's got something to prove
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, how come you don't move?

I sing this song all the time when I'm driving along, but I wonder how many other people find it funny.

a mi me encantan los gatos y  a ti ?

Aloha Friends and furure friends I don't know yet,

For the next two weekends, I will be at the following two celebrations, with my metaphysical wares.  If you have the opportunity, please come by and visit me. . .

http://www.witchvox.com/vn/vn_detail/dt_ev.html?a=usoh&id=59296 in Cleveland, 2nd wknd

http://www.witchvox.com/vn/vn_detail/dt_ev.html?a=usoh&id=56503 in Akron, 3rd wknd

Of course, one can always find my oddities on line at www.spellme.com/catalog

Magical Blessings,

Michael (Prospero)

hola mi nombre es zorymar me dicen zory estoy en busca de amig@s con quien pueda hablar  gracias por pasar y ver mi página ^_^

the VMA 's come on tonight at 9:00    sharp

North Alabama State Fair is in a couple weeks....located in my 'back door' so to speak(just about 1/2 mile up the road from where I live in Muscle Shoals, AL).

I'm planning an outing with my chapter, Classy  BamaBelles, on our regular get together day for the month, Saturday, 20th September and looking forward to some fun~!

It will be exciting to 'strut'  the fairgrounds wearing our RHS colors (with our red/pink hat(s) of course~!

AND fun to eat the yummies that they may have for sale there...

AND to see the competition exhibits....

AND even to ride some of the rides....We can purchase an armband and ride all the rides we would like ~!

I sound like a kid..huh?    Hee-Hee ~!......"Young at heart"... Just hope that this body will keep up with my 'dreams'  for the day ~!  

See ya at the fair at 12pm (until ????) on Saturday, 20th September~!   You can even come earlier if you like.....and stay as long as you want(until the gates close if you like)~!

Link to the fair information:   http://www.northalabamastatefair.org

Red Hat Hugs,
BamaQueen Glenda ;-)

* Well I haven't wrote a bloq since the draft which has been some time. But I'm going to start doing a weekly bloq. I'm going to review the television, pay-per-view shows of that week. I will name a Best Match of The Week. Also The Top 3 which will be the top superstar of the week, top dva, and top tag team. *

WWE Unforgiven is Tonight! And we got a pretty decent card.

ECW Championship Scramble

Well this match has some potential of being good. First i'm going to eliminate some people. Chavo Gurrerro will not win this match, I personally don't feel that Chavo will regain the ECW Championship. I'm also going to have to take Finlay out of the equation. Tonight doesn't look like the night for the fighting irishman. So it leaves The Miz, Matt Hardy, and Mark Henry. I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say The Miz. I know what your thinking and you are saying to yourself The Miz? Yeah Miz is on the moving up in ECW. Your Winner and New ECW Champion The Miz!

Divas Championship

It will be Michelle McCool vs Maryse, I'm going with the All American girl. She isn't dropping that Divas Championship already. Maryse might be Divas Championship in a couple of months but right now there will be no change in the championship. Winner and Still Champion Michelle McCool!

World Tag Team Championship

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase are great champions. Cryme Tyme is loved by the fans but it is to early for Rhodes and Dibiase to drop the titles on this occasion. Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase retain the World Tag Team Championships!

WWE Championship Scramble

We have 5 good competitors but i'm once again going to do a process of elimination. The Brian Kenrick is not going to be The Winner. You might have the big man Ezekiel Jackson in your corner but it is not your time. Shelton Benjamin is the Golden Standard but tonight he will not be walking out with more gold. Sorry Shelton but you arn't going to be champion... on this occasion. So this leaves MVP, Jeff Hardy, and Triple H. I'm sure all 3 men will hold the championship during this match. But I'm going to say Jeff Hardy does a Swantom Bomb to MVP for the win. Your winner and New WWE Champion Jeff Hardy!

World Heavyweight Championship

If you haven't seen in the scramble matches I do a process of elimination. Rey Mysterio and Kane, sorry guys but you arn't winning this match. So that leaves JBL, Batista, and CM Punk. Tonight is the night that I feel the World Heavyweight Championship will be taken from CM Punk for the time being. Batista i don't feel could have a match against CM Punk for his rematch clause. So i'm saying the Wrestling God JBL steals a victory tonight. Your winner and New World Heavyweight Champion JBL.

Unsanctioned Match

Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels have had bitter rivalry. Shawn Michaels has said " A Eye for A Eye " so i feel HBK wins this match. Also I feel Chris Jericho will be injured in this match. Unsantioned matches are always dangerous and these two men hate each other so somebody is bound to get hurt.

Unforgiven i feel will be a 6.7 rating out of 10. Unforgiven should be a decent pay-per-view.

* Check out the weekly bloq on Friday's on The Week In WWE *

9/1/08--6:44PM--For the last week, everytime I sat to write, I'd look at the screen and decide to do something else; there are serious times when I don't want to focus on how I'm feeling or on what I'm thinking. These days, if I'm going to write about anything, I want it to be something of my devising; not something I've responded to. Been talking to Lynne a lot, her Daughter has begun exercising her writing skills with me, she sent a picture of a grasshopper to me. There have been many times when I've been tempted to tell Charlotte to grow up, she'll be lucky if she gets away from me without hearing that.
I can forgive everyone for everything they've done to me, that I've ever perceived they've done to me, I don't have to be around after I've forgiven them.
If you will not buy whatever it is you're selling, don't sell it. Charlotte can't have a decent relationship with any man, she doesn't trust men, how can one love anything you can't trust? I'd like to slip into obscurity with Charlotte, just drift away, she won't allow that; ultimately I'll have to give her some truth. Wherein it should enlighten her, it will enrage her, hurt her; I don't want to do that because she can't handle the truth. If you're grossly insecure and far too sensitive, how can you be open enough to relate to anyone, she takes everything said and done as a personal affront; she will never look at herself objectively.
I can't express to her how important honesty is in a relationship, she deludes herself into believing that she's honest, if you are maintaining even one secret; how honest can you be?
If you say that you love someone, you share your entire life with them, without reservations; trusting that their love is enough to accept every part of you.
She believes there's something that she's done that would turn all men away from her, she's wrong, her fear of rejection is born of her immaturity; we've all done things questionable. There are too many things that have happened in her life that she refuses to come to grips with, she believes that flaw that she hides is unacceptable, we're all flawed; anyone expecting perfection from another is a fool. None of these things are open for discussion, the truth merely pisses her off, I understand how painful that can be; life is painful and will always be. Until Charlotte gets to that point, there's nothing the two of us can do, I don't want to tell her not to contact me; I don't want her to believe that I can't be her friend. I'm actually a better friend to Charlotte than she can ever be to me, that's ok, Lynne told me that the test of my love for any women in my life; would be my ability to love them when they're at their worst.
Charlotte is probably at one of the worst times in her life, 44 and without a man, all of the men in her life have stepped away from her; she's not ignoring that fact and it causes her serious bouts of loneliness/depression. Every relationship she's ever had has been ****ed up, none of those men were remotely faithful to her, I have also stepped away from her; more like pushed away. It has been rare in my life that any woman has ever left me, I usually do the leaving, our lives are a testament to how ****ed up people are; I'm not excluding myself.
I'm open to new ideas, new ways of looking at myself, Charlotte has made it possible for me to look at myself in a different light; when the light begins to shine in her direction all the doors close.
Skated pretty hard Thursday night, I noticed a woman that I may have seen before, what stood out was the fact that she wore Hanes briefs. There was an older woman skating, when she saw that I was leaving she signaled the question, why are you leaving; I'd skated pretty hard and I didn't allow her to get any closer. I'm going to have to do something about the "Great Wall" I keep around me. The life I've led has been quite painful, the love I couldn't get from my Family made it difficult to get to a point where I could be loving, still haven't quite gotten the hang of it; coupled with the love I've rarely been able to accept from the women in my life.
There are some women that I couldn't get enough love from, they were also afraid or incapable, fear and caution erected my "Great Wall" only love can demolish it and I'm not sure I can even love myself. On top of the love I should be willing to give and accept, I've also got to learn to be more open, that's a trust issue; very few people in my life have ever given me reason to be trusting.
I saw three boys that got my attention, two of them were children of a woman that seemed to be Muslim, the youngest gave me a thumbs up; afterwards I felt great. The boy had boundless tenacity, I love watching that, there were a couple of little girls that wanted to be skaters, they tried to get my attention. This boy was just trying to skate, that got my attention, there was another boy skating with his Mother; he refused to pay attention to the traffic and would just roll onto the floor. I made a point to look the Mother in the eye, she knew he'd done something wrong and should have corrected him, I'm sure she didn't; this act would render the both of them invisible unless they posed a safety issue for me.
As I headed out the door, I made note of the people that will congregate at the door, they'll see you coming and still refuse to get out of your way; I passed them on the way to my car. I'd notice being the topic of conversation, a lot of men seem to be bothered by my stamina, my skill and age; I'm guessing that it draws attention to what they lack. I excused myself and keyed the locks, I never turned back to pay them one more moments worth of attention, they weren't important; they only wanted to be.
It's all well and good to make lots of money, if you can't move, what good will it do you. It's probably a great feeling to be a captain of industry, in charge and on the go, if you're not taking necessary care of yourself; how does any of this help you? I don't care about fortune or fame, it would be nice to be worth billions, I guess; I'm content to be in touch with myself.
I noticed the new tenants when I returned home, they parked sloppily, I'd see them before the end of the next day. I'd decided to sit outside and work, I began editing "Adventures...," I'd notice three guys heading for the lot; one had two full bags of garbage. How does one generate two bags of garbage overnight, I was still sitting outside when they returned, I stood up to address one of them; I'd told them that I only expected two guys. The alpha told me that his Brother was just helping them out, I continued writing and decided to formally introduce myself, I went to knock on their door; the Brother answered.
I was invited in and began my introduction, I wanted them to know that if I bothered them to let me know, the Alpha would then show me his guitar; they asked about internet access and I gave them the number for the cable company. I said my goodbye's and returned to my apartment, I took my extra phone books to their door, the Alpha came to open it and I found that they'd chained the door upon my leaving; that bothered me.
They had to know that the door they passed was mine, they had to know that the only person knocking on their door would be me, especially if they locked the outer door; the chain still bothered me. I noticed a few things in the apartment, I looked at the things the guy showed me, I didn't bother to see how they had things set up or what they happened to have in their apartment; I did tell them that I lived in the apartment prior to them.

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